


Secrets

by Cake_isnt_pie_sam



Series: Memoirs of S.W. [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Incest, M/M, Pre-Stanford, Unrequited Love, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-31
Updated: 2014-08-31
Packaged: 2018-02-15 14:37:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2232681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cake_isnt_pie_sam/pseuds/Cake_isnt_pie_sam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean leaves on a hunt with John, leaving Sam alone. Pre-stanford era. Sam's journal entry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> I don't spn or the boys. Comments fully appreciated. Trying out new things with this series. Feedback encouraged ;)

**_January 6, 2001_**   
  
Dean left on a hunt with Dad today. Werewolves or something. I tried to explain that Dean was helping me study for my SATs but Dad said I was old enough to make myself some damn chili. Why can't he go alone? He's done it before...   
  
Dad was waiting in the car. Before Dean could leave I told him to wait. Dean just...stood there in the doorway just staring at me like he was waiting for me to tell him not to go. Waiting for me to tell him to be careful. Something. I dunno. He shook his head and I coulda sworn there was disappointment there. But it's hard to tell with Dean.   
  
By the time the door shut behind him, the taste of copper filled my mouth.   
  
The words get stuck in my throat sometimes. They sit there and burrow, fester, infect. Pronouns, adverbs, and prepositions cling to the back of my tongue and choke me like a disease. I put on a brave face, though. I have to. I smile, even when I don't feel like it. The corners of my mouth shake into place when I try to smile and I just. I sit there until I can hide behind bathroom doors and cry behind shower curtains.   
  
They say secrets hurt.   
  
They're like fires starting under my skin, burning me up from the inside out. They're invisible weights tied around my neck, pulling me lower, _lower_. Eventually I lose control of those unspoken words, those secrets.And that's when I can't breathe anymore. I just--I can't even open my eyes in fear of them popping out of my head like ping-pong balls.   
  
They say secrets hurt.   
  
And the worst secret of all--it's the one you can't even stop thinking about. It's the one you just can't get out of your head. Out of your heart.   
  
_What the hell am I gonna do?_


End file.
